Fun With Figures!

	Chef Optimus Somewhere out there, there is the Shrine of the Diapered Fort Max. This has absolutely nothing to do with that. Really. Anyway, awhile back, I was fixing lunch, and I had a spatula in my hand to take my sandwich out of the oven. I was looking at it when it hit me. No, not the spatula. The random thought occurred to me: how would Optimal Optimus look holding it? So I went back to my room, got Optimus, and put a wooden spoon in one hand and a spatula in the other. Later I went to Big Lots and picked up a Barbie chef's hat for him.
	Tripredacus and Dental Hygiene Ever wonder how Tripredacus keeps that large, Joker-ish grin so shiny and white? Here he is, caught in the act.
	Injector as Dennis Rodman Another strange thing, this one involving the Fuzor Injector (lionfish/hornet). Injector is without a doubt the weirdest Transformer in the history of the things, even counting some of the later Head-Target-Power-Buttmasters. This guy has to be the closest thing that the Transformers universe has to a multihue-haired, cross-dressing basketball-playing freak. So I decided to enhance the resemblance between Injector and Rodman...the strange thing is, Injector actually looks more normal with the pink dress on. I apologize for the quality of the picture; I'm going to take a better one soon.
	Retrax, the War Planet As a lot of people have noted, Retrax looks like a War Planet. So I got out the Beast Planet and fed Retrax to it. Just before the pillbug went down the hatch, I snapped this picture. Retrax was never seen again. The Beast Planet did, however, comment that Retrax tasted like chicken.
	Beast Wars: the Nature Documentary Here we have a rare photo of the nesting habits of the extremely rare Megsimus Rex in their natural habitat. First, the mother, accompanied by the companion monkey, stalks her prey and swallows it whole....Then, the mother returns to the nest, where she regurgitates the partially-digested prey for her children. Note: No actual Buzzclaws were harmed in the making of this documentary.
	Beast Wars Championship Wrestling (BWCW)! I once read a post on some Transformer discussion board where someone said that they'd like to see Depth Charge beating the crap out of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Well, I don't have an Austin figure, but I do have a Hollywood Hogan figure. Thus, Beast Wars Championship Wrestling (BWCW!) is born.
	Ramulus Beating the Hell Out of Picard Of all the action figures in my collection, the only one without a weapon is poor old Captain Picard. Well, he used to have a dorky little phaser, but I lost it. But, as this picture shows, everyone else, including Ramulus, beats the crap out of Picard. Heck, even the Lego guys have power armor. Maybe I should give Picard a crossbow or something from one of my Mystic Knights figures...
	The Many Deaths of Jeff Gordon Well, I dropped into Big Lots the other day to see if they had anything cool, and guess what? They had a bunch of old action figures in. Among them were a ton of Ronin Warriors, which are pretty damn cool. They were like $3 each, so I bought 3 of them. I'm probably going to pick up a few more if I get the time. But what the heck does this have to do with Jeff Gordito? See, Big Lots also had a bunch of Nascar drivers inaction figures they were selling for $1.99 each. So, I picked up a Jeff Gordon figure for all my Transformers, Mystic Knights, power-armor-piloting Lego guys, Jedi, and Ronin Warriors to molest. Kinda give Picard a break, ya know (see above). These two pictures are only the beginning of poor Jeff's suffering...since I've been collecting some of the Star Wars Episode 1 figures, my next trick will be having Qui-Gon Jinn sodomizing the twerp with a lightsaber.
	Armored Picard Since my other figures now have Jeff Gordon to abuse, I decided to arm Captain Picard with gear from other figures. I found out that he can wear the chest armor from my Ronin Warriors figures, gave him Jeff Gordon's helmet, and a mace that Garret (Mystic Knights figure) wasn't using, and voila! Picard goes postal. I was going to have him holding a gun or crossbow in his left hand, but I thought that the tricorder was funnier. I now have another version, this time with different armor (this one has a sheath for the sword) and a bazooka kind of gun. Even more demented.
	Skateboarding Hollywood Hogan Yeah, this is pretty stupid. But it does look kinda cool. Basically, I just took the nifty skateboard from a Sharkman figure I got on clearance and put a Hollywood Hogan figure on it. Probably would've been funnier if I used the Juicer version of Hogan for this- kind of like that lame Suburban Commando movie.
	Drunk Inferno! Yes, I just can't get enough of this picture. A rather inebriated Inferno introduces Matt McGinn to his friend, pain.